Motherhood and Bodies

In honor of Mother’s Day I am focusing this post on motherhood and our relationships with our bodies.  I dedicate this post to my mother whose INCREDIBLE body has supported and nurtured me in every way there was to.

All of us are here on this planet because our mothers (or at least A woman) had a BODY that was able to foster our genesis, house us for nine months and then birth us.  It mattered not whether these bodies were “perfect” by traditional standards – they were perfect in their ability to facilitate our lives.  Our first relationship to a woman’s body is through this experience of life.  And yet how quickly we seem to lose the recognition and honoring of women’s bodies as being capable of such a miracle. . .

The relationship between motherhood and women’s bodies in this society is REALLY MESSED UP.  Glossy magazines and gossip shows openly celebrate women who manage to keep themselves petite during pregnancy.  If a famous woman gains what is considered to be TOO much weight during pregnancy she is openly criticized and often asked to become a spokeswoman for diet companies.  These famous women are then celebrated if they manage to “lose all their baby weight” within months of giving birth (never mind that these women have access to personal trainers, dieticians, nannies, etc.).  And even with non-famous women we tend to commend the women in our lives for “getting rid of the baby fat” quickly and look at them with side-long glances if it seems like they’re gaining more than the appropriate amount of baby weight (as if their weight gain is ANY of our business – but this is a topic I will touch on in a later post).  I recently saw a picture of a woman in a gossip magazine that had the caption, “It’s as if she didn’t even have a baby at all!!” and that was clearly supposed to be a GOOD thing.  HOW IS THAT A GOOD THING?!?!  She had a baby!!  That is AWESOME.  That is AMAZING.  Why should a woman’s body have to visibly erase that incredible history? 

If you have had a baby you are GOING to gain weight, you are GOING to get stretch marks, you are GOING to change – and that is GREAT because those changes are the things that allow us women to have babies. Your body may never go back to the way it was before the baby – but you know what? neither will your life and that is the beauty (and the great challenge) of having kids!!  It makes me so sad to see many of the women I know depressed over the way they look after having a baby.  I can totally understand that it is difficult to feel that suddenly the body you are in is not your own but to feel bad about yourself because of what society says your body should look like after you have a baby is really a shame.  And this is where, I believe, the messages we send women about their bodies is nothing less than a form of oppression and abuse.  Having babies is one of the most powerful testaments to a woman’s strength and greatness that there is – so what do we do? we find a way of making her feel bad about herself immediately after such an incredible moment of connection with the power of her body.  Maybe “we’re” afraid of what would happen if a woman was truly connected to the immense power of her mind/body/spirit after she has a baby – after all an empowered woman seems to be considered a dangerous woman in our society.  To the women out there who are feeling badly about their bodies post-baby I would say, REMEMBER it is your body that allowed you to bring this beautiful, wonderful creature onto this Earth – your body should be celebrated, worshipped, taken care of and HONORED. 

If you are a partner of someone who has just given birth be SURE to let your woman know that you still find her beautiful, attractive and sexy.  Tell her that you recognize and are GRATEFUL for what her body just did (to help bring your child into this world).  Remember that her body is going through great changes (hormonally and physically) and that you really, at the end of the day, can’t imagine what she’s going through.  If you’re not happy about the way she looks I would suggest you go do the personal meditation/work/speaking to a therapist you need to do to figure out how your thinking is abusive and oppressive.

Lastly I call upon US – the daughters (or sons for the men reading this) out there (with or without our own children) to think about our relationship with our own mother’s bodies.  Have we praised our mothers for being skinny and aspired to be the same?  Have we called our mothers fat (either to their faces or behind their backs)?  Do we say, “I hope I don’t look like my mom when I am her age?”  We are talking about the same body that shepherded us onto this planet – shouldn’t we show it the utmost respect no matter its shape or size? 

So – on this Mothers Day and really ANY day, tell your mother (and/or the mother of your children) how beautiful she is – inside AND out and be grateful that, at this time, there is a body for you to hug, touch and celebrate life’s journey with.  For those who have lost mothers they loved I’m sure they would say they would give anything for one more hug – no matter what shape or size the woman is who gave that embrace.